Last week I had lunch with four women, all remarkable in their own right. And I do not use word 'remarkable' lightly. Weekly topics of conversation run the gamut of mundane dinner menus, aches of body and spirit self inflicted and outwardly imposed, political and economic health of us and the country.
During this two hours of minimal eating and maximal talking we arrived effortlessly at the psychological plight of women. Psychological being the critical word.
"Would you believe she said her husband allowed her to--"
"It's societal tyranny."
"There are more women doctors now and more and more men are going into nursing. What does that say?"
"Check the salaries. You'll find doctors are making less and nurses more."
"You know what they-- whoever they are-- always say. If you want salary increases for a profession, let men take it over."
Later at home with refreshed spirit I settled in reading a nearly finished book, O IS FOR OUTLAWS. Kinsey Millhone was on the verge of learning who shot her ex, Mickey Magruder. Julia pushed her way into my consciousness. I might have dealt the Emperor's impulsive daughter had not Cartimandua and Tanaquil joined her.
Julia, who rarely lacked a 'leaning in' that promoted confidence and control, did just that. She leaned in. "Have you ever thought about what it means to be a woman?"
No one ventured an answer.
"Then let me make a suggestion. How much time do we cover? Tanaquil from 600 BC, Carti from 1 AD, and me-- more or less the same time as Carti. And you Jewellee 2000AD. Easily 2600 years."
Tanaquil, adept at listening but abrupt in her objections said, "Your point?"
"My point," Julia's voice harbored resentment "is that little has changed in 2600 years."
"You're wrong," I said, "Dead wrong."
"How?" a simple one word from Julia is indeed rare.
"How? Well today women can be whatever they want." Her shrill laugh filled my mind. "No, it's true. They can."
"Do you really believe that? Oh it's true they can do many things. Like be doctors, who as has been pointed out earn -- exactly how much?"There is so much more involved in this. As you yourself know and have said, Jewellee. Can I ask you to share with us something you, yourself, wrote. And I assume you believe what you wrote and think it is of some value."
She insisted I share a passage from my book about her life, and she was quite specific about what part. Here in it is.
Julia was attending a party of her closest friends.
'Julia was surrounded by men of the aristocracy,their wives who mistrusted her and envied her ability to hold court. She moved away from Alliaria and Marcella, chatting about children and household matters. Her father had taken her children from her, and accounts of children's antics reminded her much she missed Gaius and Lucius and the girls. And Posti. He was so little and so needy of a mother's love. Sometimes she thought it her fault, but knew her efforts to be a mother met only obstacles from Augustus. She held up her cup to the slave approaching with wine. Lowering her refilled cup she peered into it and held it out again. "For Juno's sake, fill it up." As she lowered the cup filled to the brim, wine flowed over the sides onto her stola. "Ye Gods," she said. "I've made a mess. Just look at me."
She waved away offered napkins. "I'm quite all right. Lucky for me Tiberius isn't here. He already thinks I'm a drunken wench. He seems not to notice how fond he is of drink. But that doesn't matter. According to Tiberius men can do things women should never do" She surveyed her audience, sipped her wine. "Why are you men so insecure that you have to keep us in our place?'
So Julia said as I finished reading the passage. Have things changed. Or do men still feel the need to be in control? And how can they be in control but to control us?
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