The noise of my riding mower, the sun beaming down on my head, the sweat stinging my eyes and dripping from my hair kept a persistent Julia at bay. There must be a reasonable explanation of the varied 'pushiness' of my little group. Cartimandua abd Tanaquil are not intrusive. There when welcome, absent when not. But Julia! Julia knows no boundaries. Her 'in your face' presence is the result, no doubt, of her sense of entitlement from birth, her self confidence.
"You're stressed out, and you have every right. I do know it's not easy losing a husband. I if you remember lost two." her voice rose above my mower's noise. Not rose above exactly, for she is quite the product of my mind. Her voice slid under is perhaps more accurate . "I do hope you're not tempted to solve your problems by turning to wine. I did and it a great-- and I do mean a great mistake. But you know, for you described it so well in THE EMPEROR'S DAUGHTER. Share that with us."
"If it will send you away for a while. It was just after you discovered you were in danger of being arrested on a count of adultery. But your political activities were the real reason. Herein is your story."
"I
'm going mad. I will rage through the streets like a Bacchante," Julia
said.
"Lady,
you've always been impatient. Since you were a little girl you've never waited
gracefully for anything or anyone."
"Gracefully! What in Hades is graceful about this? I wake up all hours of the night
worrying about it. Every day I expect
Tata to send for me. Livia watches me all the time. And you expect me to be
patient. You know I've committed a crime."
"Only
technically," Phoebe said
Julia
snorted. "Then only technically will I pay for it. You know a woman who commits adultery can be
charged by any citizen? Tata made that law.
Can he get round it if someone insists he enforce it?"
"Lady,
there may be no reason to work yourself into a state. All we can do is wait and
not imagine the worst." Phoebe's
pacing belied her lack of worry.
"I
sit here day and night, day after day, losing my mind." Julia buried her head in her hands. "And
all you can say is 'be patient'."
None
of Phoebe's tricks worked. Brushed hair,
massaged temples, monotonous talk failed to calm Julia's raging fears. It had been nearly a month-- twenty five days
- since the games. Twenty five days
since she'd heard from Iulus. It seemed
an eternity. "I can't leave the house without being followed. Did you know that? Every time I leave someone
is right behind me."
"But
Lady, that's somebody's job. You know that."
"But
this is not the same. I know a slave when I see one. These are not slaves.
They're spies. I'm being followed by spies."
'You
imagine too much." Phoebe arranged and re-arranged toilette articles.
Julia
spun around and slapped Phoebe's cheek with a force that made her lose her
balance. No sooner than the blow struck
Julia grabbed Phoebe and pulled her close.
She buried her head in Phoebe's shoulder and sobbed. Barely able to get
out her words she said, "I didn't mean it.
I didn't mean it."
Phoebe
released her tight embrace. "There, there, Lady." She smoothed Julia's hair with one hand and
wiped tears with the other. "Come, lie down."
Julia
surrendered herself to Phoebe's care. The tension fell away in waves. Calm crept in, first in the muscles around
her mouth and eyes. Then weightlessness of arms and legs. Her body seemed to
float in air above her bed. She was near
sleep when the knock at her door jarred her into awareness. She sprang up,
every nerve in her body re-wound to the snapping point.
The
slave held out a scroll which Julia grasped away from Phoebe's extended hand.
"Lady, let me open it for you."
Phoebe reached for the scroll, but Julia tightened fingers. Phoebe dismissed the slave and twisted the
scroll from Julia's hand. "Lady, you need time right now." She tucked
the scroll in her belt.
"Time
for what? Ye gods time is all I have
these days."
"Time
to think, to get hold of yourself. Time to--.
Have you eaten today?"
Julia
lowered her head. Tears rolled down her cheeks; she burst into laughter. "Have I eaten? Is that all you can say?
Is food is going to solve this?"
Julia
drank the unwatered wine Phoebe poured for her, both unconcerned that it was an
indecent hour for wine. She refused the bread and cheese Phoebe insistently
offered. The wine did not produce the calm Phoebe intended. It fueled Julia's
fears, doubts and anger precluding sleep or peace of mind. "Phoebe, where is that damned
scroll?" Give it to me. Now! Else, as Juno is my witness I shall have
dismissed." Her uncontrollable laughter returned. "Did you hear? Isn't that laughable? On my way into exile or
to the executioner's sword I shall have you dismissed. She reached for her
wine. "And call Ancus. We need more
wine."
"Perhaps
it would be better to wait, for both the wine and the scroll,"
Julia
threw the pewter cup she emptied in one gulp across the room. It bounded from the wall and fell to the
floor. "Do it now. Else I shall do
it myself."
Phoebe
relented and ordered the wine. Julia stopped her from watering it. For the next few hours Julia cried, fumed and
drank: cried, fumed and drank. When darkness fell not intoxicated enough to fall
into a stupor but enough to be hostile and wreckless she said, "Phoebe,
that scroll, what did you do with it?"
"I
put it aside. Tomorrow when we're
thinking clearly, we'll look at
it."
"I'll
look at it now." Phoebe produced the scroll. Julia fumbled with the seal
and finally unrolled it. She blinked once, twice and again before she realized
she could not sort the double images. Thrusting it at Phoebe she said,
"Read it."
"It's
from Iulus, Lady. He asks that you stay
put until you hear from him. He's
checking on things."
"Things. What things?
Read it, Phoebe, word for word."
Slowly
Phoebe read in a voice almost too whispery to hear.
Julia, I implore you to
stay at home until I contact you.This evening
pridie
idus-- I go to Puteoli to attend to critical matters. When I return,
I
shall contact you. Avoid your father and Livia. Sempronius and Pulcher
are
still scouting out the situation. I miss you.
Iulus
Julia
asked, "That's it?" She blinked her eyes returning the double Phoebe
to one. "Nothing about Tiberius?"
Phoebe
looked puzzled."Tiberius!"
"Yes
Tiberius. You know who Tiberius is, don't you? Iulus hates Tiberius. Once he
said he'd kill him rather than let him rule Rome."
"But
Tiberius --" Phoebe shook her head.
"Tiberius is no threat. Not from Rhodes. He's not likely to come back. Your father
will never allow him to return."
Julia
laughed, "Silly, as long as Tiberius is alive -. Tata said the same thing
about Agrippa. How long did that last?
Just until he had to have Agrippa. It's the same only different. Iulus is going
to poison him. Maybe he's finding some body to do it. It's not hard to get a poisoner. All it takes
is money, and Iulus has enough of that.
I suspect that's why he's in Puteoli."
"Lady,
that's you wine talking."
"He
hates them all. He was always open about it.
Even when he came to Greece to work with Agrippa. He really hates
Tiberius." Phoebe shook her head.
She reached to remove the wine decanter, but Julia grabbed it and took a long drink directly from the decanter.
Wine dribbled down her chin which she wiped against her sleeve. "Oh yes
Phoebe. He hates them because they killed his father. They cheated him out of his legacy. You know
if Mark Antony had won Iulus would be heir to the throne. You know what he told
me? It would be just as easy to kill Tiberius as to discredit him. That's why
he went to Puteoli."
Phoebe
managed to remove the wine decanter. Not
that it mattered for it was empty. "Lady, you're starting to repeat
yourself."
Ignoring
Phoebe Julia continued, "I think he hates me too. Antonia said he was
using me. Phoebe. Do you think he hates me and is using me?"
"I
think, Lady, you're drunk."
"And
who in Hades cares? Does it really make
a difference? My children don't need me,
not since Tata stole them. And Tata
doesn't need me anymore. Who can he marry me too now? Now that Gaius is a man
and Lucius nearly is I have no voucher value. You know what voucher value is,
don't you."
Phoebe
began her routine to calm her mistress-- the gentle hands and soothing
voice. But her efforts were no match for
the erosion of sensibility brought on by worry, fatigue, hunger and wine. Despite Phoebe's insistence that she was not
properly dressed and her hair was down and that it was much too late. Julia
left the house. Phoebe followed at a short distance and further back the agents who had followed her for several
months.
The
walk down the Clivus Palatinus was not long.
Although the starless night was dark and despite the toll too much wine
had taken on her equilibrium she made her way without incident to the
Forum. She mounted the Rostra and stood
in the spot her father had stood when he issued his lex de maritandis ordinibus
and lex de adulteriis coercendis-- which people hated, and which if enforced
would affect most people except for the likes of Tiberius. Phoebe stood at the
speaker's platform and called to her mistress in a calm soft voice. "Lady,
come, let me take you home before we are found here."
Julia's
eyes searching for Phoebe located her in the dimness."Home! Why would I go
home? Tata doesn't want to see me, and I don't want to see him. Livia does and
I don't want to see her either. And
Iulus says I should avoid them."
"Lady,
he also said you were to stay at home until he came."
"But
I have to talk to people. I have things to say, important things, things about
adultery and laws." She peered out over the darkened Forum and yelled,
"Friends and Patriots, gather round. I came because I need to warn you
about fucking." She raised her arm to gesture grandly and lost her
balance. She quickly regained it and faced a man creeping from behind the
statue of Marsyas. He was middle aged, haggard and illy dressed. Had Julia not
herself smelled of wine she would have smelled his drink. She brought her face
near his. "Did you know," she asked slurring her words, "that
fucking is a crime? Do you like to
fuck?"
"Hercules
be praised," he said backing up.
"What do I see?"
"Welcome
friend," Julia said. "Join me. Here by me." She peered out again, and in a louder and
more slurred voice called, "Come out, come out, wherever you are. Gather
round. We need to consider matters
important to the state. Do you know if
you're unfaithful to your mate you are in
bi-ig trouble. That's the law.
And if your mate doesn't fuck you, you're screwed."
One
by one stragglers seeking shelter against the elements and protection from
marauding thieves and vigiles came out from behind temple columns, building
doorways and bushes big enough to hide them.
Silent at first, then quietly talking, their voices rose, and amid the
noise and chaos two men mounted the Rostra. They began to paw Julia. Phoebe called frantically, "Lady we have
to go home."
"But
I have a speech to make. These people want to hear me."
The
man standing next to her shouted to the crowd, "Look what we have, a real
live woman, a pretty one too. Now do we want to hear her speech or not?"
From
the crowd came a commanding call, "Not a speech. We want her. We want her don't we? Come on lads. Don't we
want to fuck her?"
"Yes,
Yes, Yes." They clung to edges of
the platform, ready to climb up.
Julia
surrendered herself to the arms of the man next to her. She leaned forward as he tried to remove her
clothing. When torches appeared the
crowd scattered. The men on the platform jumped down and were lost in the
darkness by the time the vigiles arrived to find Julia quite alone, quite
naked.
"Where
did they all go?" She looked into
the darkness. And to the watchmen said,
"You scared them all away."
"Come
with me." One of the watchmen put
his cloak around her shoulders. The
other collected her clothing and they stepped down from the platform.
"Thank-you,"
Phoebe said, "I'll see her home."
"We'll
tend to it." Then turning to Julia
he said, "Come, the party's all over."
LXVIII
