Sunday, August 21, 2016

TO LIVE OR TO DIE; THAT IS THE QUESTION

The beginning of Paul's and my journey through cancer is etched in my mind.

That day – the day before the memorial  day weekend Dr.  Ellis said, “With treatment maybe two years. Without two months at best.”

Her plan was to admit him that day. Paul was stunned;  I was beyond stunned.  “I need time to think,” he said.

Dr. Ellis down this road so many times before said, “Fair enough.  I’ll arrange for your admission the day after Memorial day.  If you decide to keep the appointment, be here. If you decide not call and cancel.”

Simple enough!  Simple?

That drive home from Wake Forest (the first of many as it turned out) seemed an eternity. Two days ago we were reveling in the delights of retirement; today we were facing its end.

Safely if not joyfully we returned to our thirty four acres. Thirty four acres bought  twenty-five years ago with dreams of growing grapes, making wine and growing old with the best of what life and nature had ro offer . Grapes which chose not to grow mattered little.  The beauty of our place made any other place on the planet seem secondary.

Home again with a death sentence hanging over our heads we cried. We laughed at the vagaries of nature. We pondered our choices. “I’m not ready to die,” he said.

The day after the memorial weekend together we drove to Wake Forest.  The next  day I drove home alone leaving him for the beginning of an eight week intensive chemo treatment.


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