CAROL IS DEAD

Marie Jones sat alone in the corner of the funeral home parlor where her mother, Carol’s body lay in repose. The chatter of the sizable crowd of neighbors and one time friends flowed over her consciousness. Her brother Harold had not come for the funeral. Harold, whose lack of love for his mother was well known, had not been home for the past five years.

Carol’s care during her long illness had left Marie almost as lifeless as Carol. At first it was not so hard. Carol could manage the care of her bodily needs. But as time and disease ravaged her body care fell to Marie. For the last three years Marie had lifted, bathed, dressed, fed and diapered her deteriorating mother.

Marie was shaken from her thoughts by David Harris, her nearest neighbor. “I am so sorry, Marie. I know it must be so hard for you to lose your mother.”

“Thank you,” she said.

“If we can do anything..”

“No”, Marie said wishing she had the courage to ask, ‘Where the hell were you when I needed help?’ “No,” she said “I’m ok.”

She closed her eyes and let her mind imagine what it would be like to go home to an empty house. Empty. But for Carol it had been empty for a long time. Her shaky relationship with Frank had fallen victim to Carol’s intrusion into their lives. Frank had given her an ultimatum. “Either she goes or I go.” Marie could not fault Frank. Had it been his mother she would have done likewise.

What should she have done? What could she have done?  Her mother had no money, nowhere to go, no one to take care of her. Carol’s hostile, demanding, unappreciative behavior had proven the end of Frank, the end of her marriage, the end of her hopes of a family of her own. And the beginning of Marie’s withering spirit and life.

One by one neighbors filed by her. “Marie, she’s in a better place.”  “”She’s not in pain anymore.”  “You took such good care of her.”

Words, words, words. Words pierced the spaces of her thoughts. “I know,” she muttered over and over.

Her mother was better off.  She was no longer in pain. Marie had seen to that. Carefully for months she had monitored and measured  pain medication, daily putting aside some until ---.  She had watched as her mother took that last dose.  Yes, her mother was in a better place.

And certainly Marie was.