Time To Heal

   My husband died six days ago after a two year battle with leukemia. My consciousness trespassing friends prowled around the edge of my thoughts, but they have remained non-obtrusive. No doubt it has been hardest for Augustus' spoiled daughter, Julia. She lacks the self discipline of Queen Tanaquil or Cartimandua.            
   They have all, for the most part, been tolerant of my hopscotching thoughts. It is staggering how many details have to be handled, how many contacts have to be made. Social security-- state retirement-- insurance -- bank-- and on and on. The hardest part, or perhaps the kindest, is the endless hours spent the following: 'The next available representative will be with you.' 'Your call will be dealt with in the order it was received.' 'We appreciate your patience.' 'The approximate waiting time is 14 minutes.' This menu in on a circular, never ending track.
   My Ladies, aware of my fatigue and vexation, wait patiently. Nearly.  Julia felt the need to make her presence known, either for her sake or for mine.  "I have never seen such convolution. How can it be so demanding. Ye Gods, I lost  two husbands. People die every day."
   I welcomed the ludicrous distraction. "You conveniently forget who I am in reference to you. I dare say if I were Jill Biden or Michelle Obama I would be spared the problems of endless bureaucracy. Rather all the resources of the government would cut through the petty details with dispatch."
   "For all the annoyance in some ways you are very fortunate," Julia said. "During my time and Tanaquil's -- I'm not sure about Cartimandua-- anyway during my time, people not of station were in worse shape than you. There were no funds like your social security or retirement plans. If you were born poor, you were likely to be poor your whole life with no recourse. Your bureaucratic morass has a silver lining."
   I began to laugh. "True and not true. Once in this country one could climb from the lowest pits up the economic and social ladder from sheer determination and effort. It's a bit harder today, and it gets harder by the day."
   My ringing telephone dragged me from my fete of revelry. The insurance representative was ready for a telephone interview.

Back To The Subject

   Julia seemed puffed up at her control of the situation. "Your own accounts and you're filled with --- I can only think drivel about this nonsense permeating all your media. Ye Gods, what has really changed in our whole history? Your nonsense about marrying the object of your affection -- or more accurately said your lust-- has led to where? Serial marriages, unstable families for young children. And somehow that is good? For whom? Certainly not for the children who do deserve stable families-- not alliances that shift at the hormone level of parents."
   "Like your own children, and your list of marriages."
   "Back off," Julia said. "True I was married three times. My first husband died. Was that my fault? My second was Agrippa-- although I did not choose him.  You know that was a political marriage about which I had little to say. Nevertheless, Agrippa was the father of all my children. I did not carry them from father to father as my sexual needs called for."
    I was about to counter her but she plowed ahead. "I may not have done better, but I did not give my children father after father. You know something? I don't know what talking about it matters in the long run. Society is her own thing. She always fails the individual. She does not care about the individual. She cares about herself. Think about it. Society decides something and no matter what the tugs on it , it controls until it changes. But it always watches out for its own welfare. When society decides your same sexes can marry, then they can marry. Meantime you have to live with the strains."
   "Oh Julia, dear impulsive opinionated Julia," I said  "Of course changes in society comes when society says. But when does she say its okay for change? Reaction to the tugs and pulls on it. Reaction to objecting people, to an aggressive press. You seem to have forgotten how during your lifetime-- and to some extent by your own efforts and those of your friend  -- Roman society did its own share of changing-- of adapting to the tugs and pulls. Need we explore that next time we meet?"

One More Example of Sex Based Marriage

   We know well by now that Julia is quite unrelenting in her need to hold court. I suspect she was always so. "I told you," she said in an abrupt appearance which I neither needed or wanted, "that I had more than one example of your own notions, and in fact your words, on this topic of marriage for the sake of hormonal output.  Before we discuss the case let us consider what you said.  I give you your own words, Jewellee. In the EMPEROR'S DAUGHTER  you said this. Julia was in Greece where she had accompanied her husband Agrippa on his diplomatic assignment."

                         YOUR PASSAGE: :YOUR BELIEFS: YOUR WORDS

            Julia aimlessly wandered into the garden. The night air was cool after the scorching day. The smell of jasmine spread over the whole garden. Her ears pricked up at the sound of someone sobbing. At the edge of the garden past  the  rose trellis she found the sobbing. "Phoebe, Whatever is the matter?"

            Phoebe raised her head slowly and looked at Julia. "Oh Lady, I don't know what to do. I have been such a fool.  I can't tell you about it."

            Julia sat on the bench."Now come. Nothing can be that horrid.  Phoebe, you love it here. I have never seen you so happy. I hear you babbling away in Greek, sounding so natural. Why wouldn't you? It is your native language."

            Phoebe sobbed harder. Julia took her by the shoulders, jerked her around.  "Phoebe, get hold of yourself."  The sobbing continued; Julia slapped her cheek. "Phoebe, get hold of yourself. Whatever happened cannot be solved by blubbering like a baby." The sobbing subsided, but Phoebe did not look at Julia. "Phoebe, tell me now what the matter is or I'll leave you here to act like a child."

            "Oh Lady, I've been such a fool.  You know Crispus, the stable master.  Well I've been spending a great deal of time with him.  I love talking to him."

            "I gathered as much.  Everytime I look you're with him." Phoebe's sobbing began again. Julia threw up her hands in desperation. "Now Phoebe, stop it this minute.  Has he harmed you? If he has I'll see that Agrippa dismisses him."

            "No Lady he has done nothing to harm me. But one thing led to another... and-- Oh Lady I've been...  He's not a slave you know, but a freedman like me. I just found out he's married and has three sons.  Oh Lady what am I going to do?"

            Julia rose, "About what? Are you pregnant?"

            "Oh no, but-."

            "Do you want to marry him?"

            "Oh no, but-."

            Julia interrupted, "I don't see a problem here. You don't want to marry him. You don't need a father for a baby. Stop seeing him or keep on seeing him."

            "Lady, I don't want to stop seeing him. But we really ought to be married."

            Julia sighed heavily. "Ye Gods, Phoebe, if you want to marry, Agrippa can arrange it. If all you want is sex then have sex and don't tie yourself in knots about who's married and who's not.  Anybody who’s anybody knows whom you marry and whom you bed are entirely separate matters. It's best not to confuse one with the other." A new bond between lady and servant was forged that night. Phoebe who had so zealously diverted her mistress from rash sexual encounters began her own.

                             END OF PASSAGE

   "Now," Julia said, "let us consider what matters here. Are we concerned with sex or marriage? I do think we need to discuss this further"  I grimaced. Julia grimaced in response. "You're living in a cultural and religious world which does not exactly jive with the world as it ever was,  or is or, most likely will be.

          

LOVE AND MARRIAGE

   "Something has come to my attention," Julia's voice pierced my distraught thoughts. For I was caught up in feeling sorry for myself. My husband was worse. His battle with leukemia  had been long and difficult. The leukemia was winning. I neither needed nor wanted Julia's intrusion. But as, by now if you have read this blog, you must know that Julia is not to be put off.
   "For Tinea's sake,' Tanaquil said, "let's leave poor Jewellee to her thoughts."
   "Nonsense," Julia said. "She needs us us now as she never has. We are a distraction. And trust me, I do know. There are times when distractions, serious or trivial, should be embraced. Had anyone of you suffered the horrors of exile you would know wherein I speak. Now about what's come to my attention. This drivel - and I can only think of it as drivel- about same sex marriage. What in Hades is going on?"
   "A movement", I said, "in equal and fair treatment of all people.'
   "And that has what to have with marriage/"
   "It's a right-- like any other right. Everyone should have the right to marry whom he or she chooses. Anyone-- whatever religion, race or sex."
   "And you believe this?" Julia sighed deeply. "Of course you do. But lest you forget it, your notion is but a reflection of your upbringing, your culture and your religion. Nothing more. Consider for a moment your own analysis when you step outside your narrow world. I give you one of your stories. And when we have considered this, if need be,  I have two more to offer.  But here is the first.  A scene from your own WHEN EAGLES SOARED.

From Chapter V.

            Tanaquil stood before the temple of Tinia which was the official residence of the chief haruspex.  She had known Tarquitius all her life and felt no qualms about visiting him -- albeit unannounced.  When a gentle knock on the door got no response she pushed open the door and peered inside.  The door leading up to the tower for observing the heavens was ajar.

            No one climbed those stairs -- no one but the priests and acolytes.  And Tanaquil qualified as neither by virtue of her age and more importantly her sex.  Wondering what to do to attract his attention she stood at the foot of the steps.  Tarquitius, as if weightless for she heard nothing and invisible for she saw nothing, appeared before her. She started.

            "Tanaquil, how nice to see you."

            Unable to conjure up a response she stood silent and motionless.  Tarquitius' smile was warm and assuring.  "How nice you've come to see me.  Not many people do, especially the young.  Not unless they have need of me.  So you're all the more welcome. I must say you're looking very grown up-- nearly a woman I would say."

            A wave of shame and uncertainly swept over Tanaquil, and she would have run headlong from the temple had his extended hand not grasped her own.  "Tell me, my dear, how can I help you?  I find it difficult to imagine you  just wandered in here because you had nothing better to do."

            His gentle touch, his warm eyes, his calm smile reassured her.  Lowering her face she blurted more than said, "Why do people hate the Greeks?"

            Tarquitius put his hand under her chin, lifted her face and looked directly into her eyes moist with what would become tears if not dealt with immediately. "The Greeks?  Do you really mean the Greeks? All the Greeks?  Or some Greek in particular?  Demaratus perhaps?  Or more precisely that son of his,  young Lucumo?"

            She slapped at his hand.  The urge to cry passed. She glared at him and said more calmly than she felt, "So.  You know.   Mother or Father has been talking to you.”

            ""Talking to me about what?  That you have designs on Lucumo? They've said nothing, at least to me.  No words from anyone are needed on that matter. The whole city knows. You follow him around like a wounded puppy seeking a master."  Tarquitius turned his back to her.  He fumbled at papers on his desk, still not looking at Tanaquil.

            Unable to bear the silence she said, "I don't see why people hate them so much. I am going to marry him."

            "So I've surmised, " he said.  "And have you stopped to think this out?  You know a successful marriage involves much more than a fuzzy feeling in the stomach and a thumping in the chest. You can achieve both those feelings by jumping from a high cliff into a lake.  Marriage is a serious matter. Have you considered the consequences?"

            "What consequences?"

            Tarquitius who had just sat down at his desk rose.  From the shelf behind his desk he took a scroll.  While she looked on he rolled the scroll until he found what he was looking for.  "Here", he said handing the scroll to her.  "Look at this.  And don't pretend you can't read it.  I know you can."

            "What is it?"

            "The marriage registry. This section contains marriages of citizens to aliens"

            "I really don't care."  He frowned. "And why should I care?"

            "Oh you care.  Or you should.  And you know why?  You think you want to marry Lucumo.  If you do, you will end up like Laurentia or Clestia and numerous others.  Look at the list.  You will, like them. be destined to live the rest of your life in Graviscae."

            "But Graviscae is nice.  We go there often to shop.  The villas are big and  wonderful. Some of them are bigger than any house in the city."

            Tarquitius thrust the scroll into her hands. "Here take it, look at the list.  Read the names.  Who are they?  But you are right about one thing.  Why should you care who's on the list.  If I may be so callous who else in the city cares who they are? Now tell me if you truly want to end up on this list."

            Tanaquil tossed her head from side to side, a habit she developed in childhood when flipping her braids around her head was considered cute.  "And  the hair flipping will not prevent it.  If you marry young Lucumo you will jeopardize your position."  He hesitated before he added, "To say nothing about your family's position.  Now do you really want that?"

            "But that is not right."

            "Right or not, that's the way things are.  Now Tanaquil, you are a clever girl.  I have often remarked to your father that I was sorry you were a girl.  You would have made a fine student. You're quick and you're perceptive.  You know perfectly well what I am saying to you is reality.  Marrying Lucumo can lead to no good.  If you do marry him,  all too soon after you've committed yourself,  you will be sorry and want out.  Nothing you or I can do will make it all right."

            "And just what will make it all right?"

            "Nothing short of a sign from the gods.  But my dear, that is not likely to happen.  Why must you have this particular young man?  There are so many other others, all of whom are so much more acceptable. I personally know of a half dozen who would marry you tomorrow and without dowry if necessary."  He reached out and gingerly touched her arm.  "Why Lucumo?"

            She met his gaze.  "Because he is destined to be great."  She wished she had some believable reason other than her desire to have him.  "I know, I just know he will be great."  She lowered her head but could feel his eyes on her.  She said softly, "Besides he makes me feel like a queen.  I cannot bear not marrying him.  Please, talk to father. You can make him understand.  If anyone can make him agree, I know you can."

            "Nothing I can say or do will matter. Nothing short of an omen from the gods will make your father understand."

            "Then," she said.  "I shall wait for an omen."

   Julia smiled derisively. I think I may have the enigmatic smile of the Etruscans of which you, dear Tanaquil, are a member. But you Jewellee -- chew on your own words. Tomorrow or next week I shall give you another example.